“Hope You Like Anticlimax”- Game of Thrones Season 3 Episode 10 Finale Review- ‘Mhysa’
This review is written by someone who hasn’t read the books, so keep your literacy out of my face.
These tenth episodes are always a little tame, aren’t they?
I suppose I’ve just been spoiled by modern television, shows like Lost leaving me to wonder who shot J.R. or about the identity of Walter White’s babydaddy and things along that line. So when a show like Game of Thrones follows up last week’s Red Wedding festivities with an episode that features three whole Bran scenes, it’s naturally going to feel a trifle relaxed by comparison. What most shows save for the Season Finale, Game of Thrones often burns off their most exciting stuff in Episode 9 and uses these finales like the last chapter of a Harry Potter book where Harry remembers that Ralph Fiennes isn’t always attacking him and it’ll be okay because Sirius went to a magical land made up entirely of unexplained curtains.
Not that tonight didn’t have anything to offer. People were carried on the shoulders of crowds not once, but TWICE. That’s got to be good.
As usual, we’ll take this character by character and at the end, I will crown tonight’s winner.
Roose Bolton, who will certainly be bigger later on
This is more of a pre-emptive character-heading than anything, as I’m positive Roose is going to play a huge, dickish role in the events to come. No one can stab Robb Stark and not be important later. Even the Orc that stabbed Boromir at least got a cool fight scene.
I assume this is also just about the last time we’ll see old Argus Filch sitting atop his really creepy throne. He’s not a real threat to anybody, except for maybe unsuspecting Bar Mitzvah attendees not ready for a speedy betrayal. Unless there’s a moment where someone shouts “Look over there!” and all of Westeros turns their heads simultaneously long enough for an all-out war to happen, we don’t have to worry about this kindly womanizer.
Hooray for Blackfish escaping!
Ramsay Bolton, because with a name he can now be a header
Now that Theon is officially set dressing, not amounting to much more than those singing fish hillbillies often have mounted on their wall, Ramsay is going to be the real focus of these sections. Not a lot happened this week except confirming that, yep, he got the dick right off of Theon the Throw Pillow.
I’m so glad the revelation of who this guy is happened after nine damn episodes when the mystery served as nothing more than being a mystery. We could have known the whole time that this fella was Roose Bolton’s son and all of these scenes, particularly the incredibly perplexing dungeon-fondling from a few weeks back, would have remained exactly the same. Goddammit, Reek…
That one was for all of you Brad Pitt fans out there…
The Greyjoys are kind of back, their actors assumedly sitting in that castle since last season waiting to be marginally relevant again. That lead-up sequence would probably be pretty cool if I hated Theon less. It’s less about the character himself and more about what he represents in the narrative, which is its total momentum halt every time his beaten mug pops up onto my laptop screen.
Do you think that these guys will maybe become bigger next season? They don’t seem to have much going for them besides Iron, which is cool I guess, Fe and all that. I suppose we just have to wait literally forever to find out.
Also, why in the hell would you open that box?
Bran, and His Ragtag Group of Holy Crap We’re All Doomed
These are the people we’re entrusting the fate of all of Westeros with? The fate of mythical places have been placed in questionable hands before, often in the hands of bands of British children dodging the Blitzkrieg, but these four have to be the most hopeless yet. In terms of worth, these guys are like Negative Five Hobbits. The music playing suggests that these four are our only hope and I for one am packing up my bags and leaving forever.
And I almost feel like three scenes in one episode is a bit more Bran than I can take. Considering Bran is the namesake of a title I give to characters on this show who are left out of an episode (the only notable Bran tonight being Littlefinger because the writers hate me), I was expecting one at the most, and yet here he was, looking at me with his androgynous face and telling me stories about cooks and being carried around by a mentally-challenged man, which really feels incredibly sad when you look at it for about two seconds.
Tonight we got to hear Bran give us the least-subtle scene transition ever and I really already miss Osha. Can she just leave Rickon to fend for himself and come hang out with us for a while? I know there are very specific character reasons for her not to, but that doesn’t lessen my desire.
Jon Snow, pulling his blood handsome weight around for once
It’s about time somebody shot this guy.
It’s well-known that I’m not the biggest fan of this guy, but if they started beating up on him more I might be inclined to like him, in a Britta sort of way. I know this is almost exactly the same method they’re trying to employ with Theon right now to no avail, but they could at least try shooting him more. At least until he gets to face the very rude awakening that his family has been killed off by various Lannisters.
That being said, Jon and Ygritte are now split up and I positively don’t care.
Danaerys, who is now apparently a star quarterback?
Does Danny really need to the throne at this point?
I know she wants it, and feels she has some kind of right to it by blood, but with all of this slave liberation and a gaggle of good-looking men who adore her, not to mention her numerous slave children who can crowdsurf her at her beck and call, why bother storming Westeros? Just occasionally sack a city and free a wrong-improsoned people or two and live out your life in peace, turning down Jorah’s affections until your heart’s content. Just things to think about, you Mother of Dragons, you.
It was also curious for Game of Thrones to end a season in the same way as every sports movie ever.
Arya, finally starting to kill the absolute shit out of everyone
It’s been a long time coming. Arya has been shooting scarecrow crotches for a long time now, so it was great to see the first of what I can only imagine will be a billion notches on her sword hilt, many of which will hopefully be acquired alongside The Hound, making the greatest buddy cop duo since Mel Gibson lost his shit.
I’m predicting right now that she reunited with her incredibly handy assassin friend who has been largely absent for a while now and learns the ways of the League of Shadows and storms Gotham or whatever.
And if this is how these guys treat the mascots of their wedding guests, I can only imagine what a Westeros Homecoming rally is like.
All the Lannisters Who Aren’t Cersei
It may be obvious from this title who I think won tonight, but just ignore it and listen to be ramble about how much I love the Lannisters for a little while.
I am continually surprised by how much of a little dick Joffrey can be. I should be pretty numb to it by this point, but I never cease to wonder how little of a shit this boy can be. Somehow wanting to serve Robb’s head to Sansa at his wedding is worse than ensuring its decapitation in the first place. The Ponce King of the realm has been absent for a little while now, meaning Margaery has also been absent and that causes me nothing but sadness.
Putting Tyrion up against Tywin this week was also a wonderful idea. The discourse between these two has been great ever since Tywin rode in like the world’s worst Gandalf and saved the Blackwater Battle from certain failure. For a moment at the beginning there, it seems almost as if Tyrion has a great amount of respect for Tywin, but then he descends into his standard glip drunkenness. The conversation is great, as Tyrion finally starts to call out his terrible father on all of his shit right before Tywin pulls the tiny rug out from under his feet at the huge revelation as to the nature of his very life. For a man who recently had to come to terms with the fact that his family tried to kill him, Tyrion sure had a lot of emotions to contend with tonight.
Tywin is such a great character, putting himself in a position to serve the king while secretly pulling all of the strings and having all the perks without all of that nasty “will probably get assassinated” business.
This probably doesn’t need to be said, but I really hope Tyrion doesn’t have to rape Sansa.
Varys, who isn’t quite a substitute for Littlefinger but will do just nicely
I love watching the Eunuch do his work (although he title is losing a bit of its prestige as more and more men are joining his noble ranks, seriously, the number of men on this show without penises is STAGGERING). His scene tonight with poor, poor Shae is absolutely heartbreaking but works because Varys means nothing personal by it at all. Tyrion’s life is in danger as long as his affair with Shae stands. Heaven forefend he accidentally gets her pregnant.
I do wonder whether Tyrion sent Varys, or he went on his own accord. If he was there from his own better judgment, he certainly wasn’t in a hurry to correct her…
The Great and Noble Davos
Davos seems to have taken up the mantle left behind by the Starks as they lay dying on the floor, in that he seems to be a person with a real sense of nobility. He’s a good guy, teaching himself to read, tending to Stannis’s daughter far more than Stannis ever has, freeing innocent bastards before they can have further leeches strapped upon their miraculously still intact genitals. He played this exactly right, keeping his trump card in his pocket until he needed it, although that could have worked out very poorly should Stannis have had one of his men just stab him.
Unlike Danaerys, whose advisors all tend to agree for the most part, Stannis is a man with two very different sets of sweet nothings being whispered into his ear. He’s being tugged on both sides by the forces of righteousness and evil. One voice is very obviously the devil on his shoulder, the other very much someone who doesn’t like sacrificing people. Of the remaining armies, the Baratheon clan still proves most interesting in terms of the military, while Danny is playing Harriet Tubman and the Lannisters remain way more interesting sitting around a table then they ever will on the battlefield.
AND TONIGHT’S WINNER: Cersei!
Cersei is one of the few out and out villains on the show. There are many who flirt with that line, leaving the show often covered in as many shades of gray as that one mom porn book series I can’t recall the name of. So little of her actions are motivated by anything righteous, with the added bonus that she is absolutely crazy.
Humanizing Cersei is a task worthy of honor, especially when it revolves around her unquestioning love for her terrible dictator offspring. And now she’s reunited with Jamie, her beloved brother and occasional babydaddy. I can’t wait to see where this goes, hopefully to the world’s most weirdly incestual love triangle, and the first televised love triangle that won’t make me want to punch a Stark orphan.
Episode Grade: B-, as nothing much happened tonight
Season Grade: B+, same reasoning
SEASON WINNER: A tie between Danaerys and Robb Stark, both with two wins apiece
Chekhov’s Gunman is a film and television blog moderated by Kevin Lanigan, a future writer of movies and TV and past and future king. Disagree? Be sure to follow or subscribe and tell me so. Keep looking back for further coverage of Game of Thrones in the seasons to come, as well as newly released movies and TV shows. We also have Mexican Standoffs and some Good Stuff.
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