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Archive for the category “Game of Thrones Reviews”

GAME OF THRONES Season 5 Episode 5 Review, “Kill the Boy”

Game of Thrones Kill the Boy Brienne

This review is from the point of view of someone who hasn’t read the books. Books are for nerds. I’m take in my dense fantasy stories on television. Like a cool kid.

Get ready, people. We are rounding the bend past the stone man bridge that comes around this point in a Game of Thrones season and are about to plow headlong into the spreading Gravel Leprosy of the back half of a season. This is where the plot threads that we become so frustrated with start to tighten and we ride into the sections where political conspiracies come to the forefront, people we love start dying, and something big happens in Episode Nine. Read more…

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GAME OF THRONES Season 5 Episode 4 Review, “Sons of the Harpy”

game of thrones season 5 episode 4 sons of the harpy obara

This review is from the point of view of someone who hasn’t read the books. I bet you looked forward to the school Book Fair, too, didn’t yah, nerd?

Is Game of Thrones teaching us to be afraid of birds? Read more…

GAME OF THRONES Season 5 Episode 3 Review, “High Sparrow”

game of thrones season 5 episode 3 the high sparrow sansa littlefinger

This review is from the point of view of someone who hasn’t read the books. Go back to the library, poindexter.

On Game of Thrones, one can never be too sure of who they’re going to bump into next and how exactly that person is going to ruin your life. Anyone from Ramsay Bolton to a complete stranger to a guy from Pirates of the Caribbean could show up out of nowhere and ruin the perfectly good thing you had going, often when you finally get that perfectly good thing really going. This week Jon Snow tried to honor an enemy and ended up beheading a guy named Janos (I’m told all members of the Night’s Watch have names, but I find this claim dubious). As the old saying goes, “Man plans. George R.R. Martin laughs.” Read more…

GAME OF THRONES Season 5 Episode 2 Review, “The House of Black and White”

Game of Thrones Arya Jaqen The House of Black and White disguise

The following review is from the perspective of someone who hasn’t read the books. Go back to Borders, nerd.

Game of Thrones is really taking a vacation this year. And that’s a compliment. This was possibly the most purely fun episode that Game of Thrones has ever produced. If a typical episode is a tiptoe around a dark house trying to not wake up an angry parent, this episode was a leisurely, unburdened stroll through a Target (which is weird given the consistent threat of child death this episode provides that I have never experienced at Target). I know that I’m dancing with fire here, almost tempting the writers to kill the people I love, but I am enjoying what was, to a large extent, some fun. Read more…

GAME OF THRONES Season 5 Episode 1 Review, “The Wars to Come”

Game of Thrones The Wars to Come Cersei

This review is from the perspective of someone who hasn’t read the books so I have almost no idea if any changes have been made. The guy who used to tell me that doesn’t go to school with me anymore. Also, Spoilers Are Coming.

WELCOME BACK, WESTEROS!!

In what must be the most anticipated television return of the year (its only competition being The Walking Dead, but I will always give the edge of King’s Landing over Sad Georgia), Game of Thrones has returned to our television screens, to fill our hearts and minds with the loving glow of Wildlings being burned alive. It was a hell of a return and I want to get to it as quickly as possible. But first, some housekeeping… Read more…

How Telltale’s Games of Thrones is Changing the Way We Look at Choice in Video Games

Telltale Game of Thrones

Telltale’s Game of Thrones is playing me against myself.

I do not mean this in the traditional way Telltale tears me apart, which is to force me to make a choice between hurting someone I love or hurting someone else I love as an onscreen timer quickly counts down, threatening to drive me into insanity. No, Telltale Games is using Game of Thrones to teach me new and interesting ways to writhe in pain in front of my computer screen. Just a few weeks after debuting Tales from the Borderlands, which starred two protagonists, one a corporate drone, the other with a vagina (?!?!), Telltale shot out the first episode of Game of Thrones, a series with five player-controlled protagonists with a myriad of genitals, habitats, and levels of political power. Read more…

“A Wet Dream of an Episode,” GAME OF THRONES Season 4 Episode 4- ‘Oathkeeper’

game of thrones oathkeeper season 4 episode 4 brienne

This review is written from the point of view of someone who hasn’t read the books, so keep your spoilers to yourself and keep the criticism in your pocket because I can almost guarantee you haven’t read the book of The Godfather. This review is also littered with spoilers, like a chop shop for those cars from The Fast and the Furious.

It seems like every week, someone preps me for this week’s Game of Thrones by saying, “I hear something big is going to happen this week!” That would have been huge news a couple seasons ago, when the show was still cooking in the microwave, but now that the Hot Pocket is cooked and we’re just chomping into juicy bit after juicy bit, “something big” is sort of expected to happen every week. When something big doesn’t happen (like in last year’s season finale), it feels off. After you have a Red Wedding, it’s hard to go back to regular old blackmail. Already this season we’ve had the death of Joffrey (spoilers), the rape of Cersei, and a whole cavalcade of other terrible things that have happened to the Lannisters. One would figure that a Game of Thrones fan would be jaded at this point, just waiting for this week’s surprising development to take place in the last ten minutes. Read more…

“What Makes a Good King? Ideally, Not This…” GAME OF THRONES Season 4 Episode 3- ‘Breaker of Chains’

Game of Thrones Breaker of Chains Season 4 Episode 4 Wildlings

This review is written from the point of view of someone who hasn’t read the books. Don’t be mad and keep your spoilers where they belong: screaming inside of your brain at the ignorance of the masses.

Everybody has a fatal flaw. I have a friend who is one self-esteem boost away from going broke on condoms. Superman has Kryptonite. Oedipus has accidental incest. Game of Thrones has Jon Snow. There is always something- something– that stops a thing from being absolute perfection.

This episode of Game of Thrones is one rape scene short of being indisputably great and fun.

Even a lengthy Samwell section can’t spoil proceedings quite like… that. Much last like week’s exciting episode that featured a Joffrey poisoning (spoilers), there was an awful lot that happened this week, but all anyone will be talking about is one scene. I’m hesitant to even talk about it. I’m going to, of course. It’s my job (my self-appointed job that I could leave at any time but that I have too much unnecessary journalistic integrity to do so). Read more…

“The Gross, Pukey Green Wedding,” GAME OF THRONES Season 4 Episode 2 Review- ‘The Lion and the Rose’

game of thrones season 4 episode 2 the lion and the rose joffrey margaery

This review is littered with spoilers that the Internet will probably have ruined for you by the time you eat breakfast on Monday morning. It is also written from the point of view of someone who has not read the books. If you have any spoilers you would like to share, don’t.

There’s a lot to talk about tonight, but all anybody is going to be discussing tomorrow is Joffrey. As he shuffled off this mortal stick up his ass and made his way to the Great Midget Fight in the Sky, I could almost hear the echoing calls of millions of Game of Thrones fans elating into the night. It might just be the single biggest cause for celebration since V-J Day.

But “The Lion and the Rose” was so stuffed with really good stuff that it’d be a shame for this review to only comment on Joffrey’s always-inevitable but much-fantasized downfall. Hell, that’s half the reason why I divide these reviews into sections, so that I can give every aspect of the show its due. That should prove particularly tricky tonight, as the vast majority of the episode takes place at the wedding reception of Joffrey, of House Baratheon and House Lannister, and Margaery Tyrell, of House Tyrell (which raises more than a couple questions about her lineage, but I’ve sort of just stopped asking questions about bloodlines as far as royalty is concerned, real or fictional). To keep things interesting (and short winded), I’m going to subdivide the events at King’s Landing tonight into a few different, smaller sections, and, by the end of this review, announce this week’s winner. But first… Read more…

“The Red Honeymoon,” GAME OF THRONES Season 4 Episode 1 Review- ‘Two Swords’

Game of Thrones Two Swords Daenerys Dragon

This review is rife with White Walking Spoilers, slowly, slooooooowly shambling toward you. Also, this is written from the point of view of someone who has not read the books, so please refrain from both spoiling future events/ telling me I don’t know what I’m talking about because I bet there’s at least one book out there that you haven’t read and I can rub my intimate knowledge of Pride and Prejudice right in your face.

Aaaaaaaaaaand we’re back!

As I’m sure your Facebook has made you aware, Game of Thrones is back for Season 4, which is actually the second half of Book Three, which is why last season ended with what felt more like a scene where Harry Potter breaks his arm playing Quidditch and less like a scene where he lucks into stopping Voldemort. The show has some mighty big shoes to fill, namely its own, as last season’s Red Wedding took the Internet by storm (the Internet apparently having never watched television before).

Obviously, nothing that happened in tonight’s premiere was going to match the severity of last season’s big Stark-slaying. This wasn’t only the first episode of a season of a television, but the first episode of a season of Game of Thrones, a show based off of books, a medium famous for taking a long time to do things. Read more…

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