Chekhov's Gunman

RELOADED

Archive for the category “The Good Stuff”

IN BRUGES: A Place Is What You Make It

In Bruges Colin Farrell Ray

A Fair Warning: This article quotes liberally from one of the most gloriously profane movies of all time.

“It’s a fairytale fucking town, isn’t it? How can a fairytale town not be somebody’s fucking thing? How can all those canals and bridges and cobbled streets and those churches, all that beautiful fucking fairytale stuff, how can that not be somebody’s fucking thing, eh?”
“What I think I mean to say was—“
“Is the swan still there?”
“Yeah, the swans—“
“How can fucking swans not fucking be somebody’s fucking thing, eh?”

Far too many people spend their lives looking for that perfect place. Read more…

Parks and Recreation is Over; Coincidentally, Joy is Also Over

Parks and Recreation Cast

There are lots of posters on the walls of my dorm room. There’s a beautiful Gone with the Wind poster; a couple of Firefly mock-ups; a poster for a short film that I directed that was designed by a good friend; one called E-Cow-Nomics that explains economic models using cows. But there are two that I get compliments on more than any others.

The first is called the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness. Two crudely photoshopped images of Ron Swanson’s head border a pyramid filled with the secrets to true greatness, everything from Friends (“One to three is sufficient”) to Deer Protein to Old Wooden Sailing Ships.

The second is Leslie Knope, the proclaimed Pawnee goddess, adorned on all sides by her own special words of wisdom. She is framed from behind with light. She is an idol. She is a beacon of hope. She is big enough to admit she is often inspired by herself. She is the protagonist of Parks and Recreation, a very special television program that meant a lot of things to a lot of people. Read more…

HIMYM: The Necessity of Lily Aldrin

Lily Aldrin How I Met Your Mother Wedding Alyson Hannigan

This article be in lieu of me writing about How I Met Your Mother on a weekly basis as I had originally intended.

Even on the shows you love, there are always those characters that you hate. Lost had Miles, who came along too late in the game to be interesting, had a snide remark for absolutely everything, and a snider remark for when you tried to tell him very nicely that we already had a character who could talk to dead people, thank you very much. For Homeland fans, it’s Dana Brody, who interrupts the very interesting pursuit of world-threatening terrorists to bring us the startling story of how she likes a boy. For Breaking Bad fans, this character was often Skylar White, who we didn’t like because she stood in the way of our protagonist, making life more difficult for a man who at one point was fighting off more than one Mexican hitman at once.

For How I Met Your Mother fans, the consensus seems to be that this dead weight is Lily Aldrin (Alyson Hannigan). Read more…

The Walking Dead- The Game: Season 2 to Bring the Tears, Puberty

Clementine The Walking Dead Season 2

Telltale’s first The Walking Dead- The Game was an absolute game changer. It repopularized the idea of episodic gameplay, of releasing a game in segments over time like a television show that allows you to mash X periodically. It also brought into the forefront the idea of choice, and that your choices really matter. You were one man, Lee Everett, put in one terrible situation after another. Often, you had to decide to save the life of one person, or save an entirely separate person who would die if you didn’t save them. Read more…

BREAKING BAD: Flynn is This Year’s Greatest Superhero

Flynn Breaking Bad RJ Mitte

This article contains major spoilers for the Breaking Bad episode “Ozymandias.”

We’ve always needed heroes. Since at least the beginning of recorded history, and probably dating back well past the primordial ooze, we’ve been telling stories of great men and their homoerotic crews taking on the greatest and meanest beasties our imaginations could conjure from inside an ocean of ooze.

These heroes have come in different forms over the years: the legendary heroes of Greek and Roman legend, the folk heroes of the old west, the no-holds-barred action heroes of the 80’s… Most recently, we’ve been treated to an overwhelming number of superheroes that have dominated our popular culture since 2000, when Hugh Jackman first showed up on the scene, drew his claws, and made mother and daughter alike quake with anticipation. But recently our heroes have been failing us. Superman did so many questionable and recklessly irresponsible things in pursuit of his goal in this year’s stinker Man of Steel that he hardly seemed like the beacon of truth and hope he was always supposed to be. And that’s why, when we get down to it, Flynn has been this summer’s greatest superhero. Read more…

There’s Going To Be Another Harry Potter Movie, And They’re Doing It Right

severus snape harry potter

You may have noticed something strange that happened this morning when the fourteen-year-olds of yesteryear all exploded simultaneously at the announcement that we are going to be getting another Harry Potter film. This is probably a shock to anyone who thought to themselves, “Didn’t Voldemort die at the end? How can he still be a thing if he crumbled like an onion in the last one? Is a piece of his soul in Harry’s toilet or something?”

It turns out, sadly, no. We will in fact not get a toilet that forces Ron to be a dick for most of a book. Read more…

In Praise of the Great Good Movie

galaxy quest

This one goes out to all the wonderful 3 out of 4 star movies, beloved by all. This does not go out to crap.

Not every film is going to change the world. Some movies change our entire outlook on certain issues, shaping our viewpoint in a bold, new way. Some affect us on such a deep and emotional level that we hesitate to ever watch them again, for fear of being rendered a slobbering, tear-stained blob once more.

But there are some films (rare though they may be) that simply aim to entertain. They aim to tell you a story, complete that story, and most likely make you laugh as you marvel at just how many famous people got paid to be in this thing.

I am one of those avid film-watchers that gets slammed because I “just don’t like fun movies. Why are you being so critical? It’s just there to have a good time.” So let me clarify something: I don’t hate fun. Like most people, I enjoy fun. Sometimes, when I’m not debating within myself whether every choice in Citizen Kane was the correct one, I like to just pop in a flick and have a good time. However, fun movies are not precluded from criticism. Read more…

The Possibilities Now that China Controls Hollywood

Iron Man China

Long has there been the idea that “The Jews control Hollywood,” uttered in the sleep of every anti-Semitic businessman currently trying to make his living by making us pay to see Johnny Depp act out his midlife crisis on screen. Well, those unhappy people need worry no longer! It seems as if China is going to own the town soon enough.

Guillermo del Toro’s wonderful Pacific Rim was that rarest of birds: A mega-budget film not previously based on a comic book, video game, or Communist Manifesto. It also flopped dramatically at the box office. It opened with no major stars and no 60 years of backstory the fans can get really mad that you changed. It was doomed right out of the gate. It seemed as if we’d just have to let this one die… until it opened in China.

Pacific Rim opened this past Wednesday in theatres all over China, delighting children of all ages because they were smart enough to embrace it and spend their money in a proper way, and was the largest Chinese opening in Warner Bros. history, beating out Nolan’s Batman films and even the massive Harry Potter franchise. And now it seems as if we may get a Pacific Rim sequel after all. China’s massive opening may have made the Brothers Warner reconsider, as it seems del Toro and writer Travis Beacham are prepping a pitch for a second film as we speak. Read more…

2015: The Year Movie Theatres Exploded

2015 Movies

In 2015, we will all die. Normally, doomsday predictions are reserved for the criminally insane or people who think Mayans have a lot in the way of life advice and cosmic awareness. Ordinarily, I don’t subscribe to such fears because what have the Mayans done for us lately? However, I am going to now proclaim 2015 as the end of days. Those of you in the St. Louis area will soon see me in nothing but my underpants and a dirty army uniform holding up cardboard signs on street corners proclaiming how “The End is Nigh!”

Take a close look at the photo I posted above. If it doesn’t simply boggle your mind, then you may want to look around for that thing somewhere because you lost that noise long ago. The absolutely dumbfounding slate of big-budget films coming out in 2015 is both staggering and absolutely terrifying.

24.

There are 24 films coming out in 2015 that will cost over $100 million dollars. That’s just production costs. That’s not including the cost of taking out millions of ads across the globe, not to mention all the lawyers that have to be paid to ensure Katniss Everdeen gets the Subway advertisements she so richly deserves. I’m gob smacked, dumbfounded, and knocked on my ass simultaneously at all of this. And it’s terrible for a number of reasons. From the top… Read more…

Predictions and Prophesy- Comic Con 2013 Photos Edition

Looks like Sam and Mr. Frodo are taking the smart way up the mountain this time...

Looks like Sam and Mr. Frodo are taking the smart way up the mountain this time…

This weekend was the big annual San Diego Comic Con, a time and place where movie and TV studios release promotional photos for their stuff in the hopes that people might care about Godzilla again. There were a ton of pictures to sift through this week, so I’ve picked out the cream of the crop and I’ll see if I can deduce what’s these things are going to be about.

Agents of SHIELD Cobie Smulders Maria Hill

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Read more…

Post Navigation